5 years ago today I lost my best friend. I’ve written about her quite a bit.

The Jim Mug

Four Leaf Clovers

The Shit Shovel

Her blog is still there and I read it over and over.

I miss her.



I broke the Starbucks mug she gave me 🙁



I still have her words, I can still hear her voice. I still find little things from her around my house and they always make me smile.  I took her friendship for granted.

lots of things are happening that remind me of her. when i spent her last New Year’s Eve with her, I had to take the elevator up to her room in the hospital. Stepping off the elevator if you made a left turn you’d go to the maternity ward, a right turn took you to the oncology unit.  She slept a morphine sleep and I sat with my journal, listening to a baby cry and breathe his first days of breath while she was breathing her last breaths.  this new year has brought daily news of cancer and death and daily news of new pregnancy.

it takes me back to her hospital room. and i miss her even more.

I’m pretty sure I won’t find another friend like her. And there are days that I just can’t get her out of my mind.

like today

and as I face something kinda scary today I wish she was here like she was when Zane was born. She just knew what to do. what to say. and i hate that she’s gone. i hate it.

LoveYouMissYouBye <3



I have to add this:  I cried the whole way through this post. Still haven’t stopped. I pushed publish and within seconds she messaged me saying God woke her up from a sound sleep and prayed for me as the Spirit led.  God is so good to me. Her obedience astounds me.  I feel like this is related to my word {restore}

6 thoughts on “Broken”

  1. 🙂 I’m crying and smiling. I love you so very much and we’ve never even met in person yet. You are a blessing and a gift. Praying with and for you today.

  2. Has it really been FIVE years…wait, have I only known you for five years? Seems like we have been friends forever. I know how rough death anniversaries are…thinking of you. <3

    • No…it’s been more than 5 years for us. Jill died in 2008. I think we met a couple years before that? At the fire station. Maybe 2006? The boys would’ve been, what 6?

      I think death anniversaries are rough for me because it’s the time I actually allow myself to grieve (if only for a few hours.) But it seems to work and I’m not in a mental hospital (yet!) LOL


Leave a Reply to Michelle Pendergrass Cancel reply