I Choose Peace, Love, and Healthy Relationships

peace love healthy relationships

I take a lot of shit from people because I choose to make decisions that honor my inner peace. I have let too many people enter my life and suck me dry. I used to be pissed at myself for not seeing their toxicity, but then I began to understand energy exchange and now I understand that it was my energetic boundaries that needed to be healed because I was attracting co-dependent relationships.

There are people who carry around a lot of negative energy and they don’t know what to do with it. I know I’m dealing with one when I see their name on my phone and I get that sinking feeling in my gut, my chest tightens when I hear their name, if they email, I avoid it, if they comment on a post, I don’t want to read it, if I have to be in the same room with them I am full of dread and anxiety.

These kinds of people need to heal as well, I’ve come to see that. I’ve also come to know that I cannot be in relationship with them. They are on a different part of the journey. They seek out my energy because I have so freely given it in the past–I didn’t know I was giving it. I have just begun to understand that my life pattern was one of absorbing other people’s negativity.

It goes something like this: I am having a super good day. I’m happy, I’m doing something I love to do. I get a call, text, email from the negative person. They come with what seem to be good intentions, so I engage even though the sinking feeling has come, my chest has tightened, and I’m doubting their motives. By way of conversation and being in the same energetic space as me, they begin to dump all of their negativity onto me. As the enabler, I give. I absorb. I take it and absorb it all. They leave feeling refreshed, good, lighter. I walk away feeling heavier, depressed, and ill.

I absorbed so much of everyone else’s stuff that I became ill enough that my systems started to shut down. My adrenal system was in failure. I was *this* close to irreparable kidney damage. I couldn’t walk. I couldn’t think.

I started learning how to heal myself. Part of that healing includes removing relationships like I described. I first try to set boundaries with the person. If that doesn’t work, I cut them out of my life. If they cannot respect initial boundaries, I am not well enough to put forth the energy it takes to maintain healthy boundaries. I am as toxic for them as they are for me.

People feel slighted, hurt, and very angry that I make healthy decisions about my life. I can’t control how they feel. I can control how I feel. I choose to no longer absorb their emotions.

I choose peace, love, and healthy relationships.

If anyone I have removed myself from wishes to continue in relationship with me, they need only choose the same. Until then, I hold them in love from afar because sometimes that’s all they will allow.

Super Full Moon Online Paint Night!!

 Blood Moon 2

Tuesday October 27, 2015
7pm central time

This is much, much deeper than just a painting. This is pure transformational energy!!!

During the full moon, we often participate in full moon ceremonies. We write our fears, our hesitations, our negative emotions, the ugly in our soul. We cleanse. Then we burn the paper.

In my past, I’ve burned words, emotions, and whole journals. I’ve drank in the heat of the fire, let it come into my body, and I’ve allowed the transfer of negative energy into positive energy.

Then I added those ashes into my paintings to symbolize the transformation.

So after you burn your paper, save those ashes. I’m going to teach you how to paint this so you can make a beautiful, high vibrating energy painting of your own. One that will cheer you on daily as you wake. One that will remind you how loved you, how valuable you are, how cherished you are. A painting created by your hands that will remind you of your constant transformation.

I’ll send you a list of supplies you need to pick up. You can get them at Michael’s, Hobby Lobby, or most Walmart stores. Then I’ll send you the link and the time of our Paint Night! The investment will be $25 per person. The live class will last around 2-3 hours.

I’ll email you the link to the live class as well.

If you cannot attend and would like me to create a painting for you, please let me know. The photo shown is a 16×20 wrapped canvas and I can paint another one especially for you with your full moon ashes in it for $200 to US addresses.

 


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August 29, 2015 Full Moon Transformational Online Painting Night!!

FullSizeRender (1)

Saturday August 29, 2015. 7pm Central time.

This is much, much deeper than just a painting. This is pure transformational energy!!!

During the full moon, we often participate in full moon ceremonies. We write our fears, our hesitations, our negative emotions, the ugly in our soul. We cleanse. Then we burn the paper.

In my past, I’ve burned words, emotions, and whole journals. I’ve drank in the heat of the fire, let it come into my body, and I’ve allowed the transfer of negative energy into positive energy.

Then I added those ashes into my paintings to symbolize the transformation.

So after you burn your paper, save those ashes. I’m going to teach you how to paint this so you can make a beautiful, high vibrating energy painting of your own. One that will cheer you on daily as you wake. One that will remind you how loved you, how valuable you are, how cherished you are. A painting created by your hands that will remind you of your constant transformation.

I’ll send you a list of supplies you need to pick up. You can get them at Michael’s, Hobby Lobby, or most Walmart stores. Then I’ll send you the link and the time of our impromptu Blue Moon Paint Night! The investment will be $25 per person. The live class will last around 2-3 hours.

I’ll email you the link to the live class as well.

If you cannot attend and would like me to create a painting for you, please let me know. The photo shown is a 16×20 wrapped canvas and I can paint another one especially for you with your full moon ashes in it for $200 to US addresses.


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Creative Soul June 2013

Time limit: 20 minutes, handwritten, non-stop writing
Prompt: (I should’ve written it down but I didn’t) Something about being in the dark and finding light (the theme for the retreat was “Bloom Towards the Light”

So. Here it is. My 20 minute, writing non-stop, handwritten, unedited piece.

Untitled

In the dark I find comfort.

Not seen.
Not found.

The mess is hidden. Oh sure, I trip over the garbage but if I fall–you can’t see it. I’m not fat in the dark. I’m not sick in the dark. I’m whatever I want. Because I can be.

You can shine a flashlight into the black hole and I’m ok with that because your little light won’t ever be bright enough to see what I’m hiding.

Going towards the light means exposing the ugly. And trust me–you DO NOT want in here. But then–you are human and you only know what you know and your vision is limited by your experience and your experience is not my experience. And you, being human, superimpose your story on top of the one I’m trying to tell. And no matter how hard you try–it will always be that way.

But God presses in and his light His light is not like yours. He blasts light so bright it consumes all of the ugly. And He moves away

leaving me in the dark again. {pause} I start to trip less. I’m less afraid of exposure. He shines it in again and again and retreats after each time time

light like night and day
like awake and sleep
He cycles or I orbit and turn on my axis. I have seasons. I realize I no longer care to be in the dark and I bring him pieces of the ugly.

It is then that my little seedling self pops up through the rich dirt fertilized by the shit of my past.I defy them by the cycle He created. The waste product of my life is the very thing that determines my growth.It pushes me up and feeds me.By design–He created me to be nourished by those things.

I will grow.
I will bloom.
I will fade.
I will die.

In this life.

He will scoop me up and transplant me into the eternal garden.

 

2012 {year of grace}

After praying intentionally about a word to guide my year, God gave me the word “grace.”  I knew it wouldn’t be easy because I am not the most grace-giving person. Not by a long shot. (the year before was “believe” and the previous three years the same word surfaced over and over: “simplify.”)

I had been thinking to myself what a bad year 2012 was. Maybe it was just difficult to process? Because looking back, it was a pretty exciting and overwhelming year.  I was sick for a good portion of this year, but thankfully feel like I’m on the road to recovery.

I learned a lot about (perceived) friendships, letting go of negative things, spirit-driven friendships, listening to God, obeying God, trusting God, and God’s amazing grace.  I think I worked really hard on my creativity and am humbled at the opportunitities I’ve had to share the fruits of my labor. Which makes me so full of joy and peace and love…it’s almost inconceivable.  And that makes me think that God’s biggest lesson in grace was the hard and difficult work I did (not just physical work, but mental work) is rewarded by the hard-to-fathom peace, joy, and love that comes in the form of others appreciating what I do.

Walking through 2012 with “grace” as my guide, I realized grace isn’t just something I give, it’s something I receive daily. Not just from God but from people I share this life with.  Seems pretty simple, but sometimes I don’t see the simple things (thus three years of the word simplfy! LOL)

I hope I’ll learn to give grace as well as those in my life have given it to me.

 

 

January

  • invited to do my first solo art exhibition (not jut one show, but two in two different cities!)
  • Spent 6 straight weeks, 12+ hours a day,  creating 30 new paintings for the show.

February

March

    • “Grace Undone” my first solo exhibition of my career opened at the Hammond Art Center
    • I turned 40

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April

  • Started private art lessons with Justin Vining
  • Planted a teeny, tiny garden, that turned out to be phenomenal!

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May

  • helped facilitate our youth group’s Disciple Now weekend. This was one of the highlights of the year, seeing so many kids so in love with Jesus.
  • Taught my first Visual Prayer workshop at a conference (Mo*con, Indianapolis, IN)

June

  • dad nearly died on the same day mom did two years previous, but miraculously recovered.
  • The reason for the March-May fast became more clear.
  • Started painting and drawing lessons at the South Bend Art Museum

July

    • ended Visual Prayer monthly workshops after 2 years
    • One year later. Lessons learned after Phil being fired and being forced to a house and city we hadn’t chosen.
    • Friends Angie and Stan Poole visited from Texas, hadn’t seen my dear Angie since 2006!
    • Started to see a major improvement in my painting/drawing skills after several months of lessons

Boot

August

  • Forced to leave our church after our pastor and youth pastor moved on to jobs with the state and a pastor from the past reared his ugly head again.
  • kicked off my professional photography career, it had only been a hobby until this year
  • First ever street art show  (Miller Beach, IN)

September

    • went completely gluten free
    • Taught my first out-of-state Visual Prayer workshop (Creative Soul, Grayslake, IL)
    • completed SBC church planting “basic training”
    • Second street art show of the year (South Bend, IN)
    • Second solo art exhibition of my career (Cedar Lake, IN)

Done!!!!!!

  • Third street art show of the year (Chesterton, IN)

October

  • Zane turned 13
  • Phil was hired at Con-way and started 13 weeks of management training, found out that it’s likely we’ll have to relocate.

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November

  • “Limitless” tattoo!! (which will be my word for the decade. My 40’s will be Limitless!!)
Limitless tattoo
  • dad was diagnosed with squamous cell cancer of the throat with a huge tumor wrapped around his carotid and jugular. We didn’t think he’d make it to the end of 2012.

December

  • dad survived his simultaneous radiation and chemo treatments!! Doctors are now talking long-term remission!!
  • We are definitely relocating, yet we still don’t know where we’re going!

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