I take a lot of shit from people because I choose to make decisions that honor my inner peace. I have let too many people enter my life and suck me dry. I used to be pissed at myself for not seeing their toxicity, but then I began to understand energy exchange and now I understand that it was my energetic boundaries that needed to be healed because I was attracting co-dependent relationships.
There are people who carry around a lot of negative energy and they don’t know what to do with it. I know I’m dealing with one when I see their name on my phone and I get that sinking feeling in my gut, my chest tightens when I hear their name, if they email, I avoid it, if they comment on a post, I don’t want to read it, if I have to be in the same room with them I am full of dread and anxiety.
These kinds of people need to heal as well, I’ve come to see that. I’ve also come to know that I cannot be in relationship with them. They are on a different part of the journey. They seek out my energy because I have so freely given it in the past–I didn’t know I was giving it. I have just begun to understand that my life pattern was one of absorbing other people’s negativity.
It goes something like this: I am having a super good day. I’m happy, I’m doing something I love to do. I get a call, text, email from the negative person. They come with what seem to be good intentions, so I engage even though the sinking feeling has come, my chest has tightened, and I’m doubting their motives. By way of conversation and being in the same energetic space as me, they begin to dump all of their negativity onto me. As the enabler, I give. I absorb. I take it and absorb it all. They leave feeling refreshed, good, lighter. I walk away feeling heavier, depressed, and ill.
I absorbed so much of everyone else’s stuff that I became ill enough that my systems started to shut down. My adrenal system was in failure. I was *this* close to irreparable kidney damage. I couldn’t walk. I couldn’t think.
I started learning how to heal myself. Part of that healing includes removing relationships like I described. I first try to set boundaries with the person. If that doesn’t work, I cut them out of my life. If they cannot respect initial boundaries, I am not well enough to put forth the energy it takes to maintain healthy boundaries. I am as toxic for them as they are for me.
People feel slighted, hurt, and very angry that I make healthy decisions about my life. I can’t control how they feel. I can control how I feel. I choose to no longer absorb their emotions.
I choose peace, love, and healthy relationships.
If anyone I have removed myself from wishes to continue in relationship with me, they need only choose the same. Until then, I hold them in love from afar because sometimes that’s all they will allow.
Click the picture to download from my Flickr account.
weird yellow sky after the storm