I didn’t know what to expect, really. She had talked about it on the phone with me, but was a bit vague. Not on purpose, though. More because (I’ve learned) that what happens during the guided prayer far outweighs the process of guided prayer.

We were at Creative Soul. We’d had this amazing day of Visual Prayer and then writing circles. I was feeling powerful, strong, and spirit-filled.

This lovely lady was our “guide.” She started with a soft and soothing prayer. With our eyes closed, she asked us to recall a time when each of us felt closest to God, when we could sense his presence or hear his voice. She mentioned the word joyful in conjunction with this memory. I tried to force the memory to surface and “joyful” kept blocking the memory. I threw it out and a time clearly came into focus.

This is what came to mind.

I thought I was supposed to write a Bible study. I started writing. I didn’t want it to be like all the other Bible studies out there, so I took  steps to make it different. It would be a short study, 4 weeks, 15 minutes a day, but it would pack a punch. I wrote the first three chapters, but really stumbled on the last–which was to be about following Christ.  In the years that followed, I truly have learned to follow Christ, to listen to him, to be obedient instead of sacrificial and repentant.  But then I wasn’t a writer any longer, I was a visual artist doing Visual Prayer and selling paintings and loving the life God gave me. Recently after a 3 year hiatus from writing, I’m back in the game again.

I am pretty positive I will not see success as a writer until I finish writing this Bible study.

That obedience thing I was just so confident about? ha. #notsomuch

I started doodling and writing down words that caught my attention. I don’t remember a whole lot about what Michelle was guiding us to do.

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But then she got to this new part. She told us to envision ourselves in a boat on a calm lake. The we were supposed to dive in the water and go all the way to the bottom and see a treasure chest.

I admit, I thought it was silly. I resisted. Then I thought resisting was silly because why not fully participate? So I dove to the bottom and saw my treasure chest. In it was a book.

sigh.

I know, God. I know. The book I’m supposed to write. I get it.

Then Michelle said, “Make sure you see the bottom of your treasure chest.”

What?!

Ok.

I picked up the book and there was a key, a skeleton key. (are you kidding me?!) I then saw myself using the key to open a secret compartment at the bottom of the treasure chest and once it opened, I got the sense of an expanse, limitless. I was reminded of my tattoo and the word I chose.

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I asked God, “What do I do with this key now?” I heard a response that was partially words and partially vision. I saw a bunch of doors, all kinds of them and God said that the key would open any door I wanted to open, it was my choice, I was LIMITLESS. He trusted me and the desires of my heart were the desires of His heart. The limits I placed on myself were not of Him. I was not bound to write a book that He’d never told me to write. He freed me of that anchor, gave me a key, and set me free to do as I wish.

For real.

I am so glad I decided to fully participate. It would be cliche to say I felt like a weight was lifted off of me–but indeed, it was. I don’t know what doors are in front of me, I don’t know which ones I’ll open, but to know I’m free to choose?! I’m LIMITLESS! Wow.

Because how many people are stuck in a trap of their own creation thinking God’s will is what someone else is telling them? How many people think they need to DO something to please God? To somehow earn his love and affection? If I just write this book, God will love me enough to bless me.  I be{lie}ved a lie. A big lie.

Do not fret because of those who are evil
or be envious of those who do wrong;
for like the grass they will soon wither,
like green plants they will soon die away.

Trust in the Lord and do good;
dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture.
Take delight in the Lord,
    and he will give you the desires of your heart.

Commit your way to the Lord;
trust in him and he will do this:
He will make your righteous reward shine like the dawn,
your vindication like the noonday sun.

Be still before the Lord
and wait patiently for him;
do not fret when people succeed in their ways,
when they carry out their wicked schemes.