bold. honest. confident.
who i am is something i never questioned.
but my purpose in life? i think i’ve questioned that several times. almost ten years ago, i realized my purpose in the kingdom of Christ. kinda.
i mean, i learned that i am created for His glory and when i live for him and when my desires are His desires, things happen. sorta.
i thought i knew what He wanted so i went full force into it–because i don’t do shit halfway. and He shut me down on a dime.
so i get why some people tip-toe around. running into the brick wall that is God at tip-toe speed is far less painful than being stopped by His big hand at light speed. but that’s me, and i don’t know another way. i figure, He created me, He must know.
(and He does)
then there was the next thing i thought He wanted me to do. again with the plowing forward, full-steam ahead. and again with the pain, the brokenness
(and the healing)
and here i go again. but now i have no clue what he wants me to do. how do i DO when I don’t know what to DO? there’s this vicious urge in my soul to run, plow, push, fight, move, GO, DO
and yet there’s nowhere. nothing. i can’t see ahead.
i want to see the rainbow after the storm
but the truth i don’t
not right now