I had a dream the nigh before last.
God was sending me in to clean up a mess. Before I went to the place he was sending me, 2 angels appeared. One stood in front of me, one stood behind me. They were both warrior angels. Very tall compared to me at 5’2″. I’d say they were 6’7″ or so. They raised their arms around me. They were like wings, but not wings. God commanded them to pray and held His hand over the top of us. There was a surge of power so incredible it is beyond description.
The angels prayed protection prayers over me for a really long time.
I was then with my Uncle Ed. He had on a blue, down winter coat. We walked up to the red house I was supposed to clean. It was overtaken by tall dead grass on the outside. When we got to the door, there was a decrepit voodoo doll hanging in the window. We opened the door and I was saying, “Wow. No one has been here since we lived here.” I then realized it was the Westville house. We started scrubbing everything clean.
I have learned SO much in the last couple of weeks about my mind/body/spirit healing.
The assimilation of knowledge is at a breakthrough level for me. In a way it seems like I should have already known this stuff, but then I’m not sure I could have. I think we’ve all been programmed to believe that the mind is separate from the body which is separate from the spirit and the ways I’ve been trying to go about healing have been based on systems that propagate that belief. I *think* I’m learning that a new system needs to be created. And since my strength in life is to create efficient systems, I’m on task and challenged enough to be consumed with this.
I don’t know if I can rightly regurgitate the things I’ve been putting together, but I’m going to try.
May 15th, I had this dream:
I was at a conference and there was a sign for free hair styling. I FB’d the company and got an appointment. When I got there, they was also some kind of newly discovered stone therapy for relaxing. It looked a lot like the hot stone thing at spas but the stone was special, supposed to draw negative energy out. The lady put me in the chair and told me how to put my hands and it was so uncomfortable. She left the room to get the stones and the chair folded up on me! She came running in apologizing and fixed it. She put hot stones on my lower back but they weren’t hot enough for me.
When finished, I was supposed to walk down the street for some reason. I had a huge tub full of art supplies and also rocks in a back pack. It was so heavy and I was really upset that it was not relieving my stress. I stopped and used blue watercolors to write something on a wall. I don’t remember what I wrote. Dr. House said that I didn’t have to lug all that stuff around. He told me to take one rock and 2 or 3 of the art things. So I did. First I pulled out a Spongebob foam character and thought, “No way am I taking this with me, and threw it back!” I picked 3 things (don’t know what) and I was just ecstatic and hugged him and them got on a bus.
Found a pair of Con-way (where Phil works in waking life) pants like Phil‘s hung nicely across the entryway of the bus. I picked them up so I could text Phil and probably take them to him. They weren’t his though. And they had a pair of long johns still inside.
I took my seat and texted Phil then tried to figure out what stop I needed. I asked a girl who was about to exit on the next stop and she looked at my ticket and said I probably had 10-12 more stops and the last one was the one I needed. She pointed to the last three letter abbreviated stop: JOP and said “Joplin is your stop.”
I know the Spongebob meaning: my friend and I joke a lot about a Spongebob episode where he procrastinates by doing ALL kinds of things other than what he’s supposed to do. So when we’re procrastinating we call it Spongebob Syndrome and joke about sharpening pencils. So I’m thinking that I need to get rid of my tendency to procrastinate and quit lugging that around!
I’ve also had other dreams about House characters. I think House represents my intellect and/or common sense. He’s bold, to the point, and says things I should already know.
Since my adrenal system is a wreck (adrenal failure is the diagnosis–stemming from chronic inflammation–stemming from gluten intolerance) I’ve been working (hard!) on doing the right things for my body in order to heal. Under stress (not just external stress, but also internal stress, like fighting off gluten) my body releases stress hormones constantly which destroys a body. Eliminating gluten was just one step towards helping. It has stopped the main cause of the stress. But in order to heal, my body needs the relaxation hormones released. And I’ve been working towards being aware of what I’m doing to harm that process.
The dream said get rid of procrastination. I was like, ok sure. But really, is it that big of a deal?
Well. I learned, indeed, it is.
As an assignment from my endocrinologist, I’m reading Spark: The Revolutionary New Science of Exercise and the Brain. I read this and nearly fell over.
Two neurotransmitters put the brain on alert: norepinephrine arouses attention, then dopamine sharpens and focuses it. An imbalance of these neurotransmitters is why some people with attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHA) come across as stress junkies. They have to get stressed to focus. It’s one of the primary factors in procrastination. People learn to wait until the Sword of Damocles is ready to fall–it’s only then, when stress unleashes norepinephrine and dopamine, that they can sit down and do the work.
In reality, I’ve wondered often if I have ADHD but didn’t pursue an official diagnosis. I can’t say for sure why. But after the dream and then reading this I started to pay attention and I’m fairly certain I do have ADHD and I think my body is saying that I need to learn to deal with that in order for the healing to continue.
That is a breakthrough.
And yet, there’s more. But I think I should break up the posts so they don’t get too long and technical. So for today, I feel amazing that I asked God to reveal to me what is hindering my healing and (at least part of it) has been revealed.
I don’t know the best way to fix it yet. I think I’m on the path to discovering something and I’ll get into that in my next post. I learned all of this and immediately learned that the verse God gave me at the very beginning of this fast is now coming to play and I would’ve never in a million years guessed it related to the healing of my adrenal system.
Dream last night. I was at a party in Florida taking pics. I took a bunch of the people there and someone asked me how long it would be until they would see them and I told them a few days.
We were all sitting outside and the sun started setting. I pointed to it and told this guy I dated in high school to turn around and look, it was purple. He wouldn’t. Then someone else sat down and said the same thing and he looked and said he thought I was lying. I was upset he thought I was lying.
I got up to get a beer from inside the house. I went to the front deck and sat down and took some pics of the sunset and this baby crawled up and went to sleep on me. I took him to his parents.
I sat in a booth with DiNozzo from NCiS and he was waiting for this girl to get there. It was getting late and he was flirting with me and then she show up with an autographed baseball shaped coffee mug worth millions. He completely ignored me and focused on her.
I was sad that nobody liked me or looked forward to seeing me so I got in a pickup and drove to the airport (in Houston LOL) there was a weird labyrinth thing people were walking through and I couldn’t figure out how they got in. I climbed to the top where there was a very small platform with toy trains and Legos on it but I had to crawl instead of walk because it was so compact. I climbed down and then finally asked someone how to get in and these two nice guys started to tell me when a woman came running by us screaming that her scarf was yanked off her and got caught in the turning labyrinth platform and it was ruined. The airport people shut it down, got her scarf and turned it back on. The two guys led me through and then we sat down in movie theater chairs (kinda but like a huge couch) and they told me this is where we wait to vote. And we waited.
Uhm. Ok? LOL
So yesterday we went to our former house, at Phil’s former employer’s property and took out the last of our belongings. We went to my brother’s to get his truck/trailer to remove the back yard construction debris from that lean-to that we tore down. We stopped at the store (I finally got some wine!!) and headed home. I drank a few glasses of wine then slept.
My dream last night?
My friend and I were at the store gathering supplies for some impending doom. When we got home (don’t know whose home, it was a house I didn’t recognize) I ran in the house and she was throwing me the groceries. She threw a 10lb bag of potatoes and I saw it behind her head in the distance–it was a nuclear explosion. I yelled for her to get in the house. The mushroom cloud was growing bigger and closer and she made it in the house just in time. Her mom was there and asked for her Jolt Juice (energy drink, I imagine) and we told her it was still in the car that the other supplies were more important. Then we sat around trying to figure out how long we could survive on what we had.
* * *
So I figured I kinda knew what dream meant, but I looked it up anyway:
To dream of a nuclear bomb, suggests feelings of helplessness and loss of control. You are experiencing some strong hostility and rage, where it is nearly destructive. Important changes are about to occur. You may also be expressing a desire to wipe out some aspect of yourself. Alternatively, the nuclear bomb serves as an indication that something crucial and precious to you has ended.
* * *
The last sentence. Considering we won’t be going back to that property, that life, that house again…I’d say the dream had significant meaning.
I’ve never had such a volatile dream.
Something is happening though there are no answers this second. This is not in hindsight, not me telling you a story from the past, but as my two dreams suggested, this is the past and the present at once.
First, what’s happening right now.
A dear friend of mine emailed me this morning. I’m just going to copy and paste so you can see how it evolved.
Friend: Good morning..
Ok, this is strange..weird. I had a very vivid dream last night but cannot remeber what it was. I can feel “anxiety” maybe fear this morning . What I do know was that in the dream I needed to get to you to either interpret what was going on IN the dream (events, people, signs) or interpret the dream itself. Understand? I have this overwhelming feeling about YOU..not sure what it is. im not crazy…
Me: Not crazy at all. Have you been reading my dreams and interpretations online the past week? It’s what I do. 🙂
Do you remember anything else? Remember everything you can and get it down here.
Friend: It’s hard to type on phone as fast as i can describe my gut feeling. invasion, evil, lots of confusion, running but you’re in this feeling..thats what i feel this morning. Strange for me to dream like that. Hiding,deceive the masses…me running with a child holding its hand.
Me: If it’s an overwhelming sense of evil and invasion like you’re saying and it’s directed totally at me–strong enough that you feel like you have to warn me…my gut says that the Holy Spirit is working in this. I am typically aware when there’s a spiritual battle going on in my life, maybe this dream is to warn me that this one might be pretty bad?
Let me tell you what’s been going on in my life. I’ve been doing a LOT of art. Some of it has been sold. A local coffee shop owner asked for some of it to hang at the coffee shop. Some of it is for my friend/business partner who does prayers for boys, raising your boys on the Word of God. The ones that I’ve been doing for her are called The Warrior Prayer Series. They’re my funky backgrounds with a verse written for your son. For example, instead of the verse saying, “I know the plans I have for you…” it would say, “For You Lord, know the plans you have for my son…” So that moms pray over their sons with these verses. I’ve also scheduled one Visual Prayer workshop in February and JUST started talking last night with a girl who wants me to come to Colorado in the fall. She wants to plan a Visual Prayer retreat weekend. Also, the literary journal I run is struggling, and I’ve been holding weekly meetings with the staff to attempt to revive it. We’re starting a fundraising campaign on Valentine’s Day-Tax Day.
Another friend emailed me last night to say that she had such an overwhelming feeling about me last night that she came to the computer to email and found that I had emailed her. It was about the Visual Prayer retreat in Colorado. She’s also the same friend that KNEW when I was being attacked spiritually when my mom was dying. I’d have a bad, bad day and get a voice mail from her saying, “I just need to pray for you.” and she’d pray and I’d save the voice mail and listen to it over and over and over when I needed to know someone really was there for me. I know a lot of people were praying, but to hear that meant so much.
SO. I would say that there really is evil lurking–ready to pounce. And I bet I’m about to experience a spiritual battle of force.
I want to think about the dream you had. I want to pray about it. Somehow, we’re in this together.
Friend: OMG…overwhelming chills..goosebumps. Overwhelmimg feelimg for you. WTH Im bawling…
Me: You holding a child’s hand and running might indicate innocence, things not known. For example, you’re running, holding this child’s hand, that would mean that you’re trying to keep the child from danger, since the dream seems to be very dangerous and evil. It could mean that you’re telling me about this evil and I’m sitting here clueless, not knowing there’s a battle swirling all around me. Since this is your dream about me, it also indicates that you’re in danger of the same evil. Especially if what I just said about you leading me/telling me is true.
Those are all very strong words. And of course, most often, those are the feelings that come along with a spiritual attack.
My devotional today says this:
I am above all things: your problems, your pain, and the swirling events in the ever-changing world. When you behold My Face, you rise above circumstances and rest with Me in heavenly realms. This is the way of Peace, living in the Light of My Presence. I guarantee that you will always have your problem sin this life, but they must not become your focus. When you feel yourself sinking in the sea of circumstances, say, “Help me, Jesus!” and I will draw you back to Me. If you have to say that thousands of times daily, don’t be discouraged. I know your weakness, and I meet you in that very place.
Ephesians 2:6 For he raised us from the dead along with Christ and seated us with him in the heavenly realms because we are united with Christ Jesus.
Matthew 14:28-32 Then Peter called to him, “Lord, if it’s really you, tell me to come to you, walking on the water.”
Yes, come,” Jesus said.
So Peter went over the side of the boat and walked on the water toward Jesus. But when he saw the strong wind and the waves, he was terrified and began to sink. “Save me, Lord!” he shouted.
Jesus immediately reached out and grabbed him. “You have so little faith,” Jesus said. “Why did you doubt me?”
When they climbed back into the boat, the wind stopped.
I didn’t look at those passages before I wrote them here and looked them up. I have to tell you, the one about Peter walking on water? That is a passage that means something to me from my past. I think I understand what is going on. I need to process this.
Friend: DEEP. If I recall any other details as the day progresses, I’ ll email you and you do the same. Facebook..if you want to post, go ahead just leave me unnamed. Xox hugs
Me: I will post. I think I need to. Thank you for telling me your dream. It means a LOT. (((love you)))
I start writing about my past here. I write about my dreams and my interpretations. Last night and this morning, out of the blue, two good friends urgently contact me. My friend last night said, “I was watching a tv show on my iPad, stopped it because you were on my mind so strongly, and came here to write you.”
Peter getting out of the boat to walk on water with Christ brings a memory heaving itself to the forefront of my mind. January 2006. I wrote about it here. It’s when God brought me to my knees to tell me that I should be writing.
It’s also when the shit hit the fan at my previous church. The pastor didn’t like that I had dreams and set out to expel me from his congregation.
It’s also when my uncle committed suicide.
It’s when the biggest battles of my life occurred. ALL at the same time. I don’t understand what that has to do with the present, though.
Am I afraid? I believe so.
Others might pass these things off as coincidence. I know better. This is how God speaks to me (to us) in situations. Not only has the Holy Spirit been speaking to me in my sleep state, but now also in my waking life. And I’m listening. Trying to listen, anyway. I’m not certain what’s being said.
I’m sharing it here because I feel like I started this journey here, in public, and I should show God’s fingerprints.
Spiritual battles are as old as time. There is evil everywhere and I have seen more than many. I’ve come face to face with it and it is ugly. I’ll face it until God reaches down and to call me to my eternal home.
Several believe that if you do something good for God, Satan will block your path. I believe that, too. To a certain extent. But in my heart, I know that gives Satan way too much credit. The truth is, as in the very first passage of Job, that Satan has to ask permission and nothing gets by God. It’s also true, as in the book of Daniel, that sometimes God sends a message through an angel and battles ensue.
(side note: as I was writing this post out, my internet went out. Luckily, I copied and pasted it in Word before I lost the post. Which is probably a message to write everything where it can be saved. LOL)
Reading Daniel 9 and 10 though—these things stick out:
While I was praying, Gabriel, the man I had seen in the first vision, came to me in my extreme weariness…He gave me this explanation, “I’ve come now to give you understanding. At the beginning of your petitions, and answer went out, and I have come to give it, for you are treasured by God.”
“Only I, Daniel, saw the vision…I was left alone, looking at this great vision. No strength was left in me; my face grew deathly pale, and I was powerless. I heard the words he said, and when I heard them I fell into a deep sleep, with my face to the ground. Suddenly, a hand touched me and raised me to my hands and knees. He said to me, “Daniel, you are a man treasured by God. Understand the words that I’m saying to you. Stand on your feet, for I have now been sent to you. After he said this to me, I stood trembling.
“don’t be afraid, Daniel,” he said to me, “for from the first day that you purposed to understand and to humble yourself before your God, your prayers were heard. I have come because of your prayers.”
While he was saying these words to me, I turned my face toward the ground and was speechless. Suddenly one with human likeness touched my lips. I opened my mouth and said to the one standing in front of me, “My lord, because of the vision, I am overwhelmed and powerless. How can someone like me, your servant, speak with someone like you, my lord? Now I have no strength, and there is no breath in me.”
Then the one with human likeness touched me again and strengthened me. He said, “don’t be afraid, you who are treasured by God. Peace to you; be very strong.”
Those verses coupled with the passage about Peter walking on water with Jesus take me (again) back to another time. I want to share with you my dream about Jesus.
This is out of my journal:
Friday, May 14, 2004.
(3rd POV) Everything was blank-paper white. I was waiting in a very long, single-file line. I could see everyone in line. I was near the front. There was no sense of urgency or anxiety. No one was talking. Everyone was facing forward and not moving much at all. We all took one step forward when the first person in line entered the doorway. I was next.
I entered the doorway and everything was still blank white. I walked. I knew the way. Though everything was still blank white, without definition, I had to weave my way through a labyrinth of sorts. I couldn’t see with my eyes that there were turns, but as I was walking, I would just know to turn left, walk a couple of steps and turn left again and then a final left before turning right and an immediate left and I entered into color. I wasn’t just looking at or seeing colorful things, I was part of the color. Almost as if I was a particle in a sunset. I felt a sense of serenity, calm. I had arrived. I was looking around, the colors were spectacular and there was an energy in my body from experiencing this color. I could hear a distant waterfall to my left. The colors of the sunset were now gone and I seemed to be in some sort of tropical paradise. Flowing waterfall, river, flowers, beauty everywhere. I knew what I was there for. Even when I was waiting in line, I knew. But I didn’t know why.
(Switch to 1st POV) Then I sensed Him. He was leaning up against a tree with his head resting on His knees, sleeping. I walked slowly so as not to disturb Him. I was a couple of feet from Him when He opened His eyes. I fell to my knees and my arms were in front of me on the ground, never breaking eye-contact with Him. I was startled and calm at the same time. An overwhelming sense of anxiety and peace swept through me. It was Him!
We spoke without opening our mouths at first. “Are you ok?” I asked.
“Yes,” he said, “I was resting. I was memorizing what my Father would have me say.” (But I knew he was not memorizing what he would say to me–but to “them”)
“I’m sorry I disturbed you.”
“I knew you were coming.” And He smiled.
I was with Him a very long time.
(Back to 3rd POV) He was sitting on the ground with his arms now wrapped around his legs. I was opposite Him. There was a long (very long) period of time where we are talking and I’m experiencing this from 3rd pov and I’m not privy to the conversation. A very, very, very long time.
(Back to 1st POV) He touched me. He touched my arm. He reached out with His right arm and wrapped His hand around my left are just above the elbow.
And I knew.
The touch took my breath away and knocked me back a bit. He knew this would happen as His grip tightened before I was knocked off balance. I gasped and all the while still stared into His eyes. We stayed like this a long time.
I knew everything I was supposed to know. It was an immediate transfer of knowledge, understanding, wisdom, everything. With just one touch. I was entranced and awestruck.
With His hand still holding my arm, He stood and gently led me to do the same. He hugged me and then stood back a bit, this time, both hands on my arms. He looked me in the eye and said, “Now go.” His voice was gentle, almost a whisper. And He smiled.
I took a deep breath. I did not want to leave, but I knew I’d see Him again. And I knew that He had given me instructions and knowledge and wisdom and authority.
I went back to yesterday’s passage from My Utmost for His Highest. It says:
We look for visions from heaven and for earthshaking events to see God’s power. Even the fact that we are dejected is proof that we do this. Yet we never realize that all the time God is at work in our everyday events and in the people around us. If we will only obey, and do the task that He has placed closest to us, we will see Him. One of the most amazing revelations of God comes to us when we learn that it is in the everyday things of life that we realize the magnificent deity of Jesus Christ.
A passage from yesterday’s Jesus Calling:
Come to Me for rest and refreshment. The journey has been too much for you, and you are bone-weary. Do not be ashamed of your exhaustion. Instead, see it as an opportunity for me to take charge of your life.
Remember that I can fit everything into a pattern for good, including the things you wish were different. Start with where you are at this point in time and space, accepting that this is where I intend you to be. You will get through today one step, one moment at a time. Your main responsibility is to remain attentive to Me, letting me guide you through the many choices along your pathway.
This sounds like an easy assignment, but it is not. Your desire to live in My Presence goes against the grain of “the world, the flesh, and the devil.” Much of your weariness results from your constant battle against these opponents. However, you are on the path of My choosing, so do not give up! Hope in Me, for you will again praise Me for the help of My Presence.
(sidenote: internet came back on, I Googled another Bible verse and it went out again. Came back on and see a Twitter about Relief’s website being saved by Coach Culbertson. Something is happening. Big Time.)
To be continued… because this is already too long and I’m not finished figuring it out and there are SO many pieces just flying in my face right now.