When grandmas find their youngest sons, dead by their own hand…when those grandmas slip into dementia and mini-strokes overtake them, even when special grandmas die
I Still Believe.
Though the questions still fog up my mind
With promises I still seem to bear
When moms have brain tumors and lymphoma and when prognosis looks good and things are hopeful hopeful. Even then, when she dies anyway
I Still Believe.
Even when answers slowly unwind
It’s my heart I see you prepare
When friends…people who call themselves friends, kick me while I’m down and knowingly inflict unbearable pain
I Still Believe.
But its now that I feel your grace fall like rain
From every fingertip washing away my pain
When I run away from home because I’m too pissed off to be around “friends”
I Still Believe.
The only place I can go is into your arms
Where I throw to you my feeble prayers
When You say in no uncertain terms, “Go back to your friend. Put up with her abuse.” I understand you are Jehovah Roi, the God Who Sees Me
I Still Believe.
In brokenness I can see that this is your will for me
Help me to know you are near
When I submit to Your authority and go back–and I hit a fawn still new with spots and it flies in the air and smashes down on the top of my car and I see it hit the road in the rearview mirror. Even when I see it’s mama right behind it. Even when the pain is too great to bear and I can’t see through my tears
I’ve been a Jeremy Camp fan since he was playing crowds of less than 200. He’s in Valparaiso tonight and Phil and I are volunteering with Compassion International at the concert.
It was 2 years ago, I believe, that we attended a Jeremy Camp Unplugged concert in Ft. Wayne or South Bend, I think it was Ft. Wayne. I hadn’t ever heard of Compassion until the short video was played and packets with children needing sponsorship were passed out to the audience. It wasn’t a guilt trip–the children were smiling and the packets gave information on the communities they lived in and personal information and interests.
God worked in his amazing way that night. The packet we were handed was Leslie from Peru and she was just 5 months younger than Zane. I knew that developing a relationship with a child the same age as our child would be a wonderful experience.
Compassion works through the local churches of the communities. You are linked with your child for as long as the need exists. You correspond through letters with your child and the relationship is very personal. I’ve had nothing but a wonderful experience with Compassion. I love Leslie, I pray for her and her family, and am blessed by her prayers and letters.
I’m praying today that many more children will be sponsored at the Jeremy Camp Unplugged concert tonight. But you don’t have to attend a concert to find your child. Please consider finding your child right now? It’s $38 a month to provide for your child. Click here to learn more.
Last week, my friend needed me to help take care of her kids while her husband was in the hospital. I stayed at her house a few days, I did work on the story a little, but not as much as I would have liked to. Given the circumstances though, I did ok.
I think I mentioned this, but I can’t remember. One day, I got stuck and words wouldn’t come out. I decided to grab some paper and a pencil and lay down on the floor to draw the cane the Old Man in my story whittled. And it came out so much better than I thought it would. This creative process brought out a theme of the book I didn’t fully understand, it was like a light went on. I don’t understand how I can write this story and not know this stuff, maybe its just hidden in my subconscious and I don’t realize it. However that works, I don’t think I’ll be the one to figure it out. The drawing happened, it worked, I get it now like I didn’t before and the words are flowing.
We had a busy weekend. Friday we saw a special presentation at the Merrillville Planetarium with Jen and her kids.
Sunday, my nephew’s birthday party plus an added bonus: a trip to the Grand Opening of the new Cabela’s! Phil got his Christmas present (early of course) and I picked up a few things for my Cowboy Christmas tree.
Monday was spent catching up on things here at home and ordering some goodies for the Cowboy Christmas tree. You are going to love this thing! I’m so excited!
So, here we are at Tuesday. The house is pretty well maintained since we haven’t really been here. I have a couple loads of laundry to do and the living room needs to be straightened, but its good for the most part.
I have no clue yet what I’ll be doing for Tackle It Tuesday. I’ve spent a bit of time reading the last scene of Whisky Lilacs and writing a bit more, Phil’s getting up soon and I need to make his breakfast and fix his lunch so after I see him off to work, I’ll finish my word quota and THEN concentrate on Tackling something other than this blog. LOL
I found this guy, Rene Gruss, on MySpace I loved Bellatrix (free download this month.) I bought the whole album, right now Bellatrix remains my favorite.
I found this other guy, Brian Gleason, on MySpace, he has the most amazing natural country voice I’ve heard next to George Jones, George Strait, Josh Turner (Jeremy Camp, outside of country)–I mean one of those voices you hear and you know who it is, not because they’ve been played non-stop, but this guy has a I-have-to-listen-to-more voice. He’s incredible. He just sits down with his guitar and sings, he’s mostly put up requests. I’m not one who likes to stray from the original artist, I listened to him sing The Dance (Garth Brooks) and Anymore (Travis Tritt)
I’m behind on my word count because I was helping Kimmie by taking care of her kids, her husband’s in the hospital. I decided that even if I didn’t hit my target every single day, as long as I wrote, as long as I moved the novel forward on days like these past few, I’m good.
Yesterday, I didn’t write words, but I pulled out paper and pencil and drew. One of my characters carves canes and I needed a visual, but nothing exists like Orville’s walking stick, so I had to create it. If you know about Orville’s canes and you want to see the drawing, email me. Now, what I need is a real artist to make my elementary drawing into something beautiful. Any one out there?
So, I contradicted myself because I didn’t write words yesterday, didn’t “move” the novel forward. But that’s not the truth, I moved the novel forward more than if I’d written 10,000 words. Drawing that whittled cane moved the story forward and I discovered a theme I kind of knew was there, but the cane drawing made it POP for me.
I don’t have to be like everyone else when I create. If drawing a cane helps me wrap up an important theme of the book, I give myself permission to pursue those creative endeavors.
I like reading good books. If I don’t like a book, I give myself permission to put it down even if the whole world loves it. (Faulker, As I Lay Dying) I can’t read it anymore. I’m done. I don’t like it. at. all.
We’re going to see Jeremy Camp again this weekend! If you haven’t listened to him, you should.
I’ve been remembering a lot of dreams lately. So far, two of them will be stories. Don’t know if they’ll be short stories or novels, they both have the potential to be either. We’ll see what comes out.
I got some really, really, extra super cool news a little while ago but I don’t know if I can say anything yet. It’s pretty much killing me to keep secrets.