Inadequate

Inadequate.

Everything rushed, nothing done right–more so to just get by, get through. But for what? To wake in the morning to the same gut-wrenching realization that it’s the norm now.

My refusal to budge in the notion that it can be changed is like a lighthouse in the fog, bellowing to ships lost in the haze. Good captains, seasoned captains recognize the call. The others must answer for their own stubbornness. They are too busy doing ship things to hear the call–and now they’ve convinced themselves there was no foghorn, no signal, sent after all.

And they believe their lies.

The lighthouse isn’t of much use during the day, the beautiful sunny lighted hours, but in the dark of the night? In the storm?

It can be changed. I’m sure of it.

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Not Yet Thinking Clear Thoughts

This is the best I can do.

  • I got my hair cut. I’m not sure if I like it.
  • We’re going to be Grandparents. Our grandbaby is due April 23rd.
  • I filled in at AWP Thursday and Friday. I wish I would’ve got to meet Mort Castle. I didn’t know he was there.
  • I paid freaking $9 for a coffee and a bagel at the hotel.
  • I promptly found Caribou Coffee and Jimmy John’s around the corner.
  • It was affirmed to me that I do not belong in academia, I am not a literary author.
  • I am a simple woman.
  • I enjoy simple things.
  • Do we really need to analyze memoir as a genre?
  • Can one be a memoirist? I mean, really, how many memoirs can one write?
  • I went to Toys R Us and scored a sweet deal on baby clothes. $150 worth for $50!
  • I’m going to be a grandma!
  • I have to pick a new Scripture today and I’m clueless.
  • While I was in Chicago for AWP, I just happened to run into my friend Eric, a professional snowboarder. I haven’t seen him in 18 years! And there he was, across the street from the Hilton at Grant Park. I want to be a ripper now!
  • Once again, more confirmation that I do not belong in academia. I have more in common with punks who carry snowboards. 😉
  • I have to go to the chiropractor today.
  • I’m going to be a freaking grandma!

There’s more. I just can’t do it right now.

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I’m so Bad Sometimes–Makes It Hard to be a “Good Christian”

Things I’ve been known to do, or think, or want really, really bad to do.

  • I drop the F-bomb.
  • I wish stupid people would go live on their own planet and breed merrily–far, far away from me.
  • I wonder how some people get by.
  • I want to send the secrets I know about people who have betrayed me to PostSecret. (This is like #1 on my list. You should see the postcards I have made in my head)
  • I wish I could stab people with a fork who make slurpy, smacking noises when they eat. (waving at Sher!)
  • And yeah I want to slap people who are on Nanny 911 and have their kids on leashes. (Sher again!)

All that adds up to a recipe for a “bad Christian” but I’m not perfect and I don’t know how to be even though I’m a perfectionist with OCD tendencies and I drive myself freaking crazy sometimes.

That’s all. Just had to get that out.

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Random Bits

  • We’ve moved back into our house. You didn’t know we had left? See this post.
  • We had a lot of visitors over the weekend. And I hadn’t done anything to the house other than help Phil with the basement.
  • The first half of July 4 was totally enjoyable. The latter half, not so much. “Not so much” is an understatement. It ranks as one of the Worst Days Ever.
  • July 5 was much better than July 4. Events of July 4th were worked out and the pattern has been identified. Next year things will be different.
  • July 6 was kinda shitty too. But in the end, that worked out too.
  • Today is a weird day. I don’t know what to make of it yet. But I found out Brian Keene had a flood in his basement too. Brian, I will share my Maker’s Mark with you or babysit so you and Cassi can share it.
  • Zane got a new puppy. Pictures coming soon.

Stuff

I watched for the first time ever this past weekend:

  • Phil and I made 6 dozen authentic tamales (beef and pork mixed,) Puerto Rican rice, salsa fresca, salsa verde, and twelve loaves of old fashioned banana bread.
  • I drank two bottles of wine. The first was Riesling and the second was Sangria. Oh and I had a vanilla rum and diet Coke slushie that was fabulous!

Hope your weekend was just as good!
We had a wonderfully relaxing weekend.