*A note before you read this. After doing an audit of my blog in 2022, I have decided to leave content that speaks to the Christian I was at the time this was written. I no longer identify as Christian (and haven’t for a very long time.) I chose to leave these posts because it is who I was then and it is important to me to be honest and true with every iteration and evolution of self that I experience. I may decide to add comments to the end of posts like this as well
Yes. I made a series of bad decisions. Get your calendars out. Mark them. I was wrong. (are you happy now?) 😉
I decided once to post a giveaway instead of a “real” post. Then more companies offered me stuff and I took the stuff and I blogged reviews. I wasn’t dishonest in my reviews. I only posted giveaways for things that either held my interest or things I thought you, dear friends, would like. I was pretty intentional about the opportunities I’d take.
In my blog redesign, I was also intentional. Quiet. No blinking, flashing ads, one sidebar and that sidebar was not to be filled with ads. Because you know what I hate? Ads. Commercials. Advertising. I hate it on my TV. I hate it at Walmart where you can’t frickin’ get away from it. I hate it on the back of my receipts. I hate it on my radio. Advertising bothers me. (almost all of it, almost all of the time.) And yes, Mrs. Humongo Hypocrite was doing what? Advertising.
I have a quiet home and I wanted a quiet blog.
Confession: If I don’t read your blog, it might be because of some of these things, and I’m sorry. I try to subscribe to you in Google Reader so I don’t have to see everything else. I do try, I promise.
I designed a logo that represented my life. There are quadrants, because I feel like I am broken into sections, yet simultaneously, a whole being.
Spiritual, Mental, Physical, Intellectual.
Daughter of the King, Wife and Mother, Friend and Supporter, Teacher and Mentor .
Spring, Summer, Winter, Fall.
My roots grow deep into the fertile soil (the dirt) of Christ (the roots.) He is the living water (the water.) He gives life (the plant.) He is in charge of changing me (the leafless tree.) The sun, the Son, the giver of life.
The colors are all taken from earth tones I love. Think of a sunflower on a cool, autumn, sunny day. There. Those are my colors.
There would be little disorder or chaos in the design. No music would start. No ad would blink and flash.
That was my intention.
I think I succeeded. At least in design.
But in content?
I have failed.
But I didn’t realize until this past weekend. I was sponsored to attend The Relevant Conference. I don’t want to make light of the fact that the sponsorship was a blessing (in disguise, I think.) I’m grateful beyond words to my sponsor. And I might even be a little afraid to say what comes next.
I don’t think I can continue on like this.
I’m not in writing or publishing or blogging for the money, I have never been. Getting the stuff seemed more like bartering, so I guess I was ok with it.
So I go to this conference, this Christian Women’s Blogging Conference. First of all, I don’t typically mesh with most Christian women. Second, I don’t typically mesh with Bloggers. Third (do I mesh with anyone?) (a few. and you know who you are.) I’ve had a long year and I wasn’t really looking forward to the conference, but I’d made a commitment to my sponsor and I wanted to follow through. From not originally having a roommate to not packing until the very last minute, everything in me wanted to stay home. At the last minute, I had a change of heart (thank God) and Brooke McGlothin was rooming with me.
The people at Relevant were amazing, to say the least. Others enjoyed themselves. Others like to cry, they find it cleansing. I find it annoying. I don’t want to be negative, so I’m going to skip over some things that aren’t really important. I had a good time, I really did. Maybe I’d have had a better time if I’d have been in a different place in my life. But maybe God knew what I needed.
God was sending me messages:
“I’m going to prune now. Be aware.”
I knew He was telling me I was mean because I kept getting things (gifts, swag, etc…) with verses about kindness or the word “kindness.” Yes, God is not so big that he won’t stoop to use even swag to get His message across to the bull-headed ones who may or may not think they have nothing to learn. I made a joke of God telling me I was mean, but I knew what it meant. I was in big trouble.
The prune message was a little softer. Well. Kinda.
I’m reminded how this turned into this. (pictures, go ahead and click) so I don’t wanna be pruned. But I also know that if you prune an apple tree to almost nothing in January, it will produce the biggest, juiciest apples. So. Ok. I guess I kinda need to be pruned. But I still don’t wanna.
How exactly did I know God was telling me I needed to be pruned?
(sorry) …to be continued.