*A note before you read this. After doing an audit of my blog in 2022, I have decided to leave content that speaks to the Christian I was at the time this was written. I no longer identify as Christian (and haven’t for a very long time.) I chose to leave these posts because it is who I was then and it is important to me to be honest and true with every iteration and evolution of self that I experience. I may decide to add comments to the end of posts like this as well
I had a discussion with a friend today. Ironic timing, I think.
I was complimenting her on something she had that I didn’t. I told her I thought she was blessed and I was a little jealous because I’d thought a lot about it and have always wanted that thing.
She graciously thanked me for the compliments.
Then she told me how she saw things. And what she said stopped me in my tracks. First, she pretty well told me that I had something she didn’t have and it was a thing that she thought about often and I could sense this was a struggle for her. Then she said:
I guess the thing to do is not focus on what I don’t have, just be happy with what I already have.
The wheels in my head started turning and the tears started pouring. How many different lessons were in this. Patience. Contentment. Jealousy. Bitterness. Depression. Greed. Pride. Unbelief. On the other hand, Focus. Perception. Gratitude. Blessings. Happiness. Joy. Optimism. Faith. Gratitude
Then there’s the “grass is greener” lesson.
Then it got me to thinking about God and His perception. He doesn’t see us as we see ourselves. I used to think that God couldn’t possibly love someone as unloveable as I believed I was. Even today, when my insecurities are in the spotlight, I have trouble believing that anyone can love me, let alone this God who is so mighty and powerful and perfect.
Why does He love us? I really can’t answer. I have no clue. I look around and see dysfunction, pain, hatred…the list could go on and on. What does He see? A bunch of people He loves and WANTS to love.
He wants what’s best for me and has given me everything I need to do His will. And I was sitting there crying because she had something I didn’t. It wasn’t something money could buy, but that didn’t stop me from longing for it.
What a spoiled-rotten temper-tantrum-throwing brat I am. How self-centered of me. What must my Father be thinking?
Probably that it’s about time for new glasses.