*A note before you read this. After doing an audit of my blog in 2022, I have decided to leave content that speaks to the Christian I was at the time this was written. I no longer identify as Christian (and haven’t for a very long time.) I chose to leave these posts because it is who I was then and it is important to me to be honest and true with every iteration and evolution of self that I experience. I may decide to add comments to the end of posts like this as well
I often feel like Jeremiah.
Alone. In a place I don’t belong. In a place that people don’t want to listen to me. Frustrated. Broken. Wanting so bad to just shake them and say, “Why don’t you understand? Why won’t you listen??” This *must* be where the phrase ‘talking to a brick wall’ came from.
And, like Jeremiah, I turn to God and question Him. Are you sure this is what I’m supposed to be doing? You can’t REALLY mean this is what you want me to do. That’s too big, Lord, I can’t do that.
God says just keep doing what I tell you. And Jeremiah obeys.
The Lord had an assigned mission for Jeremiah before he was born. God prepared him. It was up to Jeremiah to use that preparation to glorify God. Jeremiah argued that he wasn’t qualified. God rejected that nonsense. (God doesn’t see what man sees, remember?) What Jeremiah perceived (his opinion) did not matter to God. God created Jeremiah for that specific purpose.
What opinions am I holding that are just utter nonsense to God? WHY am I arguing with the One who measures the universe with His hand? The One who hung the stars and painted the skies? Why do I think that He can’t accomplish through me what He created me for? Just who do I think I am?! Imagine that! Me, telling God that something can’t be done!! Can you see God turning away so I don’t see Him laughing at me? Can you see Him lovingly patting me on the head and saying, “Child, why don’t you trust me? Why do you think I’ll let go of you?” Can you see Him reaching out His hand and saying, “Come on. I’ll help you. You can do it. I’m right here beside you. I won’t let you go. I promise.”
He’s prepared me all these years. He’s given me all of the equipment I’ve needed. He was so kind and loving that He didn’t tell me what all of the equipment was for, because He KNEW I’d freak out if He told me too soon. He has promised to never leave me. He has promised that I can do ALL things through Christ. He has issued me armor so that I feel protected. He has given me a shield and a sword. He has trained me to be a warrior. He has briefed me on the enemy. He has issued my orders. I know my mission.
And yet, the hardest part of the mission is believing that the outcome of the battle is REALLY what He says it will be. Believing that I can accomplish the mission. I have GOT to start believing Him.
Beth Moore says that demoralization occurs when satan finds out what we fear we are most…then he sets out to confirm that fear over and over and over again.
Do I fear I am a bad mother? Satan will make sure I think I am.
Do I fear I am inconsistent? Satan will make sure I think I am.
Do I fear that I will fail God? Oh, you better believe satan will jump on that one! Beth Moore also pointed out that God will NEVER fail us.
God will never fail me. Say that again with me. God will NEVER fail me.
Has he EVER lied before?
So I feel like I have to say to myself, “suck it up you whiner. Pull yourself up and dust off your pants. It’s time to go to show God that you are thankful that He’s entrusted you with this mission of His. Quit being what satan wants you to be.”
Just believe God without arguing for once! Oh I am so thankful for His mercy!