*A note before you read this. After doing an audit of my blog in 2022, I have decided to leave content that speaks to the Christian I was at the time this was written. I no longer identify as Christian (and haven’t for a very long time.) I chose to leave these posts because it is who I was then and it is important to me to be honest and true with every iteration and evolution of self that I experience. I may decide to add comments to the end of posts like this as well
I found my new verse.
Jesus said to his disciples:
Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful.
Stop judging and you will not be judged.
Stop condemning and you will not be condemned.
Forgive and you will be forgiven.
Give and gifts will be given to you; a good measure, packed together, shaken down, and overflowing, will be poured into your lap.
For the measure with which you measure will in return be measured out to you.
I need this verse right now. It has nothing.at.all. to do with the coming grandbaby, let’s be clear about that. The song Beyond Measure feels like it’s about the grandbaby. The song led me to that previous post and then today something happened.
And God’s like that.
Something happened that I can’t talk about, but it’s a pretty ugly thing. And I might have gotten frustrated or pissed off about it, had I not had these verses in my head already. Because just like I don’t want to be a Church People I don’t want a measure of ugly packed together, shaken down, and overflowing poured onto my lap.
I’d rather reflect Christ.
* * *
On a side note, you’ll want to stop reading this now if you don’t know what a freak I am.
The Mess of Blessings post? It was posted on March 14, 2006. The relevant part is the 14.
Have you done Beth Moore’s Believing God? I can’t remember where in the study this appeared and I’ve packed away my notes, but there’s a part that tells of the significance of the 14th day of the month.
I remember one important detail: the Israelites were commanded by the Lord to set aside a lamb and during the 14th day, they were to sacrifice the lamb and smear its blood to mark their door. Which meant the final plague on the land, the one that would take every firstborn son, would pass over the homes with the blood on the door.
I have to tell you. I feel like these verses are the blood on the top of my door. Like God told me what to do beforehand. He said, “Here, read this old post, these verses. Remember what you were going through on March 14, 2006?”
Yes. I remember. A month before, my pastor and friend started his rampage against my family. I was accused of things, I was lied about, I was disgraced in front of my peers. Three days after my former pastor acted out against me, my uncle hung himself.
Those are moments that carve character, that slice endurance into a soul. Pieces of me are scattered all over February and March of 2006.
But that 14th day of March, things began to change. I was inclined to hold on tight to another verse, Exodus 14:14– God will fight the battle for you. And you? You keep your mouth shut!
And I kept my mouth shut. I was vindicated when the pastor’s leadership team asked me to come (basically) tell on my brother in Christ. They wanted me to stand before them and sling the same measure of ugly at the pastor that he had thrown at me. I told them I’d have no part in bringing down a pastor. He was God’s problem, not mine.
So here I am. February 16, 2009. On February 16, 2006–I didn’t know what was coming. February 17th, 2006 was the meeting I call the “Witch hunt” the pastor called against me. On February 20th, 2006 my Uncle Ed was gone.
If I had to guess, I’d say this little message from God is a reminder that 1.) He’s in control. 2.) I’m worthless without Him. 3.) I don’t have to fight. 4.) 14 = Passover. This too shall pass-over.
Because after that first passover, and after 40 years in the desert, guess what God did? He brought Joshua to Gilgal (meaning circle–think “full circle”) and He had Joshua circumcise the Israelites. Then He gave them a period of rest, so they could heal. Finally He “rolled away the reproach” (again with the circle) and on the evening of the fourteenth day of the month, while camped at Gilgal on the plains of Jericho, the Israelites celebrated the Passover.
Guess what they did after that?
Yep. They ate from the land, the promised land. And right after that, Joshua had an encounter with God. Check out Exodus 3:5 and Joshua5:15. Moses encountered God before he had to lead the people out of Egypt and Joshua encountered God before he was to lead the people around Jericho.
What’s that mean to me? In my life? That things “spiral up” as I like to call it. Things come full circle and then another battle is to be fought. Yet, God always remains in control. And he sends these little reminders to me and I love Him for that.