*A note before you read this. After doing an audit of my blog in 2022, I have decided to leave content that speaks to the Christian I was at the time this was written. I no longer identify as Christian (and haven’t for a very long time.) I chose to leave these posts because it is who I was then and it is important to me to be honest and true with every iteration and evolution of self that I experience. I may decide to add comments to the end of posts like this as well
Yesterday in church I thought, “What would Pastor Doug think if he read my manuscript?”
I don’t know what made me think of that, maybe when he was talking about friends having to say hard things to each other. Would he tell me it wasn’t ladylike to write a scene like I just wrote or would he say to make sure I had God’s peace about it? Because there are some scenes that people in the Christian community will question me about.
It was a fleeting thought. The sermon was about listening to God, feeling and hearing his proddings. The rest of the service I thought about other things, however at the end, I felt like I should go to the alter to pray. I didn’t know about what, I had forgotten I’d had that thought about my manuscript. I prayed for people I loved and for situations friends and family were in.
A lady knelt down and prayed over me, I listened. She stopped praying and asked if there was anything specific she should pray about, I said, “No thank you.”
She did not know my heart or what I was praying about, I’m not sure I knew what I was praying about. But she said in her prayer, “There are some people only Michelle can reach, please help her accept that and act on that.”
I was stunned.
Why am I always stunned when God does this to me?
I can pretend that I don’t know what God wants me to do because I can visualize how hard it will be, but I can’t stop Him from sending the message.