Making My Way Back

*A note before you read this. After doing an audit of my blog in 2022, I have decided to leave content that speaks to the Christian I was at the time this was written. I no longer identify as Christian (and haven’t for a very long time.) I chose to leave these posts because it is who I was then and it is important to me to be honest and true with every iteration and evolution of self that I experience. I may decide to add comments to the end of posts like this as well

It’s been 20 months since my first visit with my endocrinologist.

19 months since I went (militantly) gluten free on her recommendation.

15 months since starting adrenal meds.

6 months since starting a T3 supplement (in addition to the T4 I’ve taken for years.)


Between my last visit with Dr. LaSalle and now, I’ve also begun Removing More Toxins from my life. Last visit, my cholesterol was still not great and I asked for more time to correct it without meds. In the last three months, my total cholesterol has dropped nearly 30 points!! (I didn’t even buy the Red Yeast Rice that I was supposed to, I forgot, but I’ll get it now.)

She’s lowering my doseage of Synthroid to 137 (down from 150!) My blood pressure is a little high (152/88) but it should go down with the lower dose of Synthroid. I’ll be keeping a daily log of readings.

We talked about the MTHFR gene mutation (C677T) and how removing the toxins was a great thing. I got a seriously rambunctious high five when I told her that I bought the personal Far Infrared Sauna! She wants me to increase my Magnesium glycinate to 400mg daily.

We also talked about how I spent eight hours walking the trails of a nearby county park ~barefooted~ because I couldn’t keep my shoes on for one more minute. I needed to feel the leaves, grass, dirt, mud, sand, water, and yes, even the sticks and rocks, on the bottoms of my feet. And it was glorious. Dr. LaSalle was thrilled I spent the day grounding. I told her how I’d prayed all day and took the time to be silent and listen to what God was saying to me.  At the end of the refreshing and exhausting day, I sat still again for a few more minutes and God sent an Eagle to soar above my head. I couldn’t stop crying.


I’m now taking:

137mcg Synthroid
5mcg Cytomel
Vessel Care
65,000iu Vitamin D3 weekly
4000mg fish oil daily
1000mg Evening Primrose daily
200mg magnesium glycinate daily
B complex

We moved into talking about the flashbacks I had the first day I used the sauna and touched on cellular memory. I told her that I was reading several books to help heal my mind from past abuse, which I feel is extremely important in this journey. I’ll list them again here, because I’ve added another, extremely important book.

Forgiving our Fathers and Mothers by Leslie Leyland Fields
Not Marked by Mary DeMuth
The Gospel of John in The Ragamuffin Bible
Wounded Heart–Hope for Adult Victims of Childhood Sexual Abuse
Note From {over} The Edge by Jim Palmer
The Truest Thing About You by David Lomas

A Course in Weight Loss: 21 Spritual Lessons for Surrendering Your Weight Forever  by Marianne Williamson. This one is the one that is changing everything (along with Wounded Heart.) This is less about weight loss and more about getting rid of dysfunctional thinking that was never meant to be around for a lifetime, yet so many of us carry this other person inside of us who is always ridiculing, chastising, degrading, and speaking painfully to us, making sure we stay “safe” in our pain.

I have to admit, I wasn’t too keen on starting this one. My beautiful friend, Carrington, suggested I read it. I looked at the title and thought it probably wasn’t for me. I didn’t want another weight loss plan to try and fail at. But then, after Carrington saw my posts about Wounded Heart, she dug a little deeper into the how/why of this book and I decided to buy the ebook and upon her urging, the audiobook. I listened to it while sitting in an airport waiting to fly standby, then for six hours on a drive from Iowa to Michigan. I broke down a few times during that drive and sobbed and grieved. I remembered things I’d been hiding, protecting, shoving down, not dealing with. And for once, this book gave me solid ways to help change. To shut up that voice of fear that is constantly drowning out anything good.

From here, I think the Jim Palmer and David Lomas books will help me take my deconstructed self and with God’s guidance, become the me I was created to be instead of this shadow of a person haunted by the past and built from bricks of abuse and unworthiness. I’m very much looking forward to what emerges.

I also finished Forgiving Our Mothers and Fathers just in time to have a visit with my dad for his birthday. It was different for me. Working through remembering, considering his story, forgiving, and accepting today for what it is, I felt like I could be in his presence without comfortableness.  Which is a big step in the right direction. Our time left together is probably slim, he has terminal cancer and receives results from his latest scan this week.

This is the body-update. I have to compose a mind and spirit update, too, but that will take me much longer. I need to get into a space that I can put together and process all that I have been learning. It’s been coming at me machine-gun style and I don’t know that I can regurgitate all the things swirling around in this blender brain of mine.

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