Storming

bold. honest. confident.

who i am is something i never questioned.

but my purpose in life? i think i’ve questioned that several times. almost ten years ago, i realized my purpose in the kingdom of Christ. kinda.

i mean, i learned that i am created for His glory and when i live for him and when my desires are His desires, things happen. sorta.

i thought i knew what He wanted so i went full force into it–because i don’t do shit halfway. and He shut me down on a dime.

so i get why some people tip-toe around. running into the brick wall that is God at tip-toe speed is far less painful than being stopped by His big hand at light speed. but that’s me, and i don’t know another way. i figure, He created me, He must know.

(and He does)

then there was the next thing i thought He wanted me to do. again with the plowing forward, full-steam ahead. and again with the pain, the brokenness

(and the healing)

and here i go again. but now i have no clue what he wants me to do. how do i DO when I don’t know what to DO? there’s this vicious urge in my soul to run, plow, push, fight, move, GO, DO

and yet there’s nowhere. nothing. i can’t see ahead.

i want to see the rainbow after the storm

but the truth i don’t

not right now