A Day I’m Not Sure About

*A note before you read this. After doing an audit of my blog in 2022, I have decided to leave content that speaks to the Christian I was at the time this was written. I no longer identify as Christian (and haven’t for a very long time.) I chose to leave these posts because it is who I was then and it is important to me to be honest and true with every iteration and evolution of self that I experience. I may decide to add comments to the end of posts like this as well

Do I rejoice because my Uncle Ed is with Jesus or not? Of course I’m happy he’s now in the arms of Jesus, but that doesn’t mean the pain goes away. I’ve just visited the cemetery for the first time in a year.

I wrote this last year and I read it again just now and the feelings are just as strong.

Shattered Goodbye

Through the darkness you walked
In depths unfathomable
I reached out
you couldn’t see
I called
you couldn’t hear

Darkness defined the path;
walled you in.
Midnight has never seen
this expanse of black

You thought you were alone.
You carried more than there was.
You pulled it along
Wore yourself out

You stumbled.
You fell.
I couldn’t pick you up
I couldn’t reach

You were so far away

Helplessness swallowed me whole
I cried out
To the only One capable
The One strong enough to sustain

His invincible hand
Shattered the night
Shards flew;
Severed deep the dark.

He offered rest
Gave His hand
Picked you up
Swaddled you with love

His sturdy hand
Laid bare your soul
He broke through eternity;
Watched dark fall

He saw your anguish
Felt your torment
Knew your agony
Wept over your suffering

He picked you up
Carried you home
Where He is the light;
Nothing is hidden.

He wipes your tears
Hurt no more
Breathe His fragrance
Lavish in His love.

Draw from the living water
Bask in the warmth
Of Jehovah-rophe:
The Lord Who Heals

His mighty hand
Put away the dark
There is no need
To say goodbye

For in His hand you remain
Until time is done
When He shatters through
And calls me home.

When we meet again
Where there is no pain
He will wipe away every tear
from our eyes.


No more.

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