Here’s the doozy of a dream I had last night.  I’m working on interpreting it. On first glance, I’m pretty sure it has to do with the series I’m writing on Growing Up Dysfunctional. Which is why I’m documenting it here.

The Dream:

I was with three people I could trust but I can’t recall who they were. We were in the slums, the projects or something. We walked down these stairs, they were outside, but dug down into the earth like basement stairs, but on the outside of the house. There were concrete walls on both sides of the stairs and open sky above. At the bottom, a door that led into a hallway. On both sides of the hall, apartment-like rooms, only the windows weren’t covered and we could see in both apartments. A guy that was with us looked into the apartment on the left and there was a couple having sex. We were all like, Whoa…we need to get out of here, and we turned around and went up the stairs.

We walked to another house in this slummy part of town and there was an older man and woman there. Reminded me of the dad’s brother’s house from Winter’s Bone. The woman grabbed me and took me to a back room where there was a younger guy. The younger guy handed her a mirror with a line of coke on it and she snorted it then nodded her head a me. He handed me the same mirror with another huge line of coke on it and I started crying telling him I’d never done cocaine and I didn’t know how to do it. The woman threatened me, she was screaming at me. The younger guy brought the mirror close to my face again and I made eye contact with him and pleaded with him with my eyes. He backed up and didn’t let the woman see him do it, he took off almost all of the coke and left just a little line and then brought the mirror back to my face. I was thankful and tried to say that non-verbally, with my eyes and face, but the woman was screaming so loud and threatening both of us and he was afraid he’d get caught, too. I didn’t want the lady to see that he helped me, so I went ahead and snorted the line. She wanted me to become an addict so that I’d have to keep coming back to her for more drugs.

She led me out of the room to another room where her husband was waiting. They slammed me on a medical-like table and she started slamming me in the back up and down my spine. My lower back screamed in pain and I begged her not to administer the drugs into my lower back. She kept punching my spine up and down. Finally she slammed a needle between my left shoulder blade and spine and gave me some kind of bad drugs.

The cocaine and whatever other drug they gave me were making me high and I was trying so hard to maintain my senses. I remembered some plan to help me escape and went to the room my friends were supposed to be in, but it was empty and there were two mattresses standing on end in one corner of the room. The had pretended to leave me, just as planned.  I grabbed my duffle bag and walked outside and started down the street when I saw my writing friend, Kevin Lucia. He was driving this long golf cart-shuttle kind of vehicle. He coughed and looked back over his shoulder at the empty seats. His girlfriend (my friend from high school, Tina Catherman) was then walking beside me. Kevin did a u-turn and Tina and I jumped onto the back seat while it was still moving.  Tina was smoking and I asked if I could have a drag. She handed the cigarette to me and I took a looong drag and when I moved the cigarette from my mouth, a cigarette butt stuck to my bottom lip, but there was another full cigarette in my hand. I laughed and threw the butt out and handed Tina the whole one and said, “Really? Two at a time?”

We were driving through the slums. There were houses on the left and a ditch full of water on the right. Kevin stopped the golf-cart thing and backed up to turn around, but somehow backed us up into the ditch full of water.  We got out, pushed the golf cart thing back up on the road and we were soaked. We went back to another house, took off our clothes to dry them and waited.

After the clothes dried, we walked to some kind of reception hall. I was the only one in the huge room. Rows and rows of folding chairs were set up. I sat down in the front row, the chair was facing the door I had just walked in through. I could hear commotion outside and started to get a little nervous. A crowd was roaring and there was applause. The door opened and my friend, John Masson, walked in and sat down to my right. He put his left arm, his prosthetic arm, arm around me and said, “Are you ok?” I started to answer and another girl I’d went to high school with, Isabel, sat down on his right, grabbed his right arm and spun him so that his back was towards me and she had his full attention.

That’s it. I woke up then.

* * *

Here are the real relationships I have with the people in the dream.  I just have to figure out what they and their actions represent to the dream.

Kevin Lucia and I have known each other about 5ish years. He was published in the first issue of The Midnight Diner, he helped edit the second issue with me, and was also published in the 3rd Diner. He and I both write horror from a Christian point of view and are often misfits of sorts in the horror community as well as the Christian writing community.

Tina Catherman and I were friends in high school. Not like bff’s but cordial friends with no issues between us. Her husband is bff with John Masson. Tina, her husband and I all just worked together for John’s homecoming and benefit.  John went to school with us as did his wife.

Isabel was a bff of mine for many years. About 10 years ago, though we parted ways, then we talked for a brief period, had a falling out and have since parted ways again. We did see each other at John’s benefit, but did not talk.

* * *

UPDATE:  My interpretation

I was safe, with people I trusted, we were in a place no one wants to be, the slums. Slums represents loss of  hope, bad images, dirt, filth, poverty. Stairs=change and transformation.  First:  Walking down stairs: going into my past, my subconscious, my memories.  Someone with me (meaning I don’t want to “see” things personally so I do so from a distance) witnessing someone have sex–means seeing something I’m not supposed to see. Experiencing something that is not meant for me. Going back up the stairs either means I’m making progress in this spiritual and emotional journey and/or thoughts of (private, hidden, subconscious, basement, sexual) things are coming to the surface.

Still in the slums, but in a different part of the slums now, so still loss of hope, bad images, poverty, filth, dirt, but this time alone. No one around me I can trust except someone who is affiliated with the woman who wants to drug me, wants me addicted, wants me to buy drugs from her. She’s screaming at me, which means she thinks she has power over me, thinks she can bully me. But I’m communicating without words to the young guy, who is under her control as well, even if he doesn’t want to be. I’m reaching out to him to help me.  Maybe he represents the other abused people who are helping me in this journey that I’m on right now? They’re broken, abused, controlled, and silent. We’re all silent. And now…I’m taking action and taking a risk of more abuse.

Snorting cocaine is a very specific element and I’m having trouble figuring it out. As opposed to the drug that was administered into my spine. That’s a little easier, I think. Spine is a symbol of strength. Backbone=courage so if someone was forcing drugs into my spine, they were forcing me to not have a backbone, to be afraid, they were trying to debilitate me. This was the man and his wife, she was beating me and forcing drugs into me. The snorting cocaine though? I’m not getting it.

Shoulders–“shoulder the burden”  strength, helping other bear burdens, drugs into the shoulder blade–the left side…what does that mean?  (To dream of the direction left, symbolizes the unconscious and your repressed thoughts/emotions. It is an indication of passivity.) So it’s either repressed thoughts and emotions or it’s left brain analytical processing going on. Left is also mentioned later when John puts his arm around me.   Having drugs administered, by force, into my shoulder blade? Having to bear the burden of someone else’s addiction and wrongdoing? That would go hand in hand with having to bear the burden of the alcoholism of grandma, great grandpa, and dad.

I was trying to maintain myself, my senses, my dignity after being forcefully drugged and knew my friends had a plan to help me escape. Mattresses represent support system. The mattresses upright in the room probably signify things on different layers. First, bedrooms are private, normally. Bedrooms are intimate, it could indicate something of a sexual nature. So them standing on end might be that the sexual abuse has ended. Or that intimate relationships are cut off.  But it could also indicate that the support system I have is upright. Walking with ease indicated I’m making progress in reaching my destination. In this case–escape?

Kevin is driving a golf-cart-shuttle thing. Which is a vehicle, moves me from one place to another. The fact that Kevin is a Christian, and an author might suggest that my faith and my writing are vehicles that move me to the place I need to go. Kevin is someone from my recent relationships in life.  Tina is someone from my past. Present and past are converging on a vehicle. The vehicle was long and open.  I jumped on the back.

The vehicle was still moving when I asked for Tina’s cigarette. I needed a break while still moving forward? I had relapsed and gone back to my time as a smoker? Familiarity? Relaxed state. Finally safe? I was also joking and smiling at this part. Two cigarettes. One old one new. Seem to signify the convergence of new and old, past and present again.  (Smoking–If you do not smoke in waking life and dream that you are smoking, then it indicates that you are trying to shield yourself and others against your emotions. You have trouble letting others in. The dream may also be a metaphor for an addictive relationship or habit in your waking life.) maybe by it “sticking” and having two, you were not ready to let the shield downit was comfortable Still shielding even though escaping. Some of the old is still sticking to me.

To see a ditch in your dream, indicates that there is something in your waking life that you need to avoid.  Alternatively, the dream suggests that you need to let go of the emotional baggage and frivolity that are holding you back.The dream may also be on pun on ditching school, work, appointment, or something that you are now feeling guilty aboutTo dream that you fall into a ditch, indicates that you may be headed into a pitfall. To see water in your dream, symbolizes your unconscious and your emotional state of mind. Water is the living essence of the psyche and the flow of life energy. It is also symbolic of spirituality, knowledge, healing and refreshment.

To dream that you are in a hall, represents your ability to share and get along with others. If the hall is empty, then it symbolizes the unexplored and untapped aspects of your character. Consider the activity that is taking place in the hall and the people that were there. The activity? Something for John. He must represent courage, strength, determination, willpower, hard work, diligence, inspiration.

He had a white coat on. Sat to my right. Put his left arm around me. He was walking. He had overcome his challenges, learned to walk again. Sat down and asked if I was ok. He and the white coat are representative of hope and forward motion and all of the above things John stands for.  Isabel is someone I once trusted, but don’t now. She took his attention from me. So people (or things) will try to take my hope?

2 thoughts on “Cocaine”

  1. Whoah.

    Do you always have dreams with this much detail? Just curious. My dreams (when I remember them) are bizarre but I could never recount a dream with that much detail. Never ever. Weird. 😉

  2. Pingback: God Demands My Attention —

Leave a Comment