*A note before you read this. After doing an audit of my blog in 2022, I have decided to leave content that speaks to the Christian I was at the time this was written. I no longer identify as Christian (and haven’t for a very long time.) I chose to leave these posts because it is who I was then and it is important to me to be honest and true with every iteration and evolution of self that I experience. I may decide to add comments to the end of posts like this as well.
In a Bible Study I’m doing, it is mentioned that Abraham and David faced the same crisis of unbelief. They didn’t believe they were who God said they were.
God is amazing the way He brings things to mind (yesterday’s post) and brings me to a spot in which I have to answer a question like: Do I BELIEVE I am who God says I am? Am I Moses standing before God saying, “I can’t do that, I don’t speak well” Am I Jeremiah doubting God? Am I Abraham, taking things into my own hands for surely God can’t do what He said He could do and make me who He says I am.
Do I believe I can do what He called me to do? No. Only I can’t do anything without Him. I pray that I’m never so wrapped up in myself that I think, even for a moment, that anything I do is on my own.
Hebrews 11:8 says: By faith Abraham, when called to go to a place he would later receive as his inheritance, obeyed and went, even though he did not know where he was going.
EVEN THOUGH HE DID NOT KNOW WHERE HE WAS GOING
I have no clue where God is taking me. I know He has given me the first set of instructions. I have tried to obey. But I didn’t really believe He was asking me to go there. Then He raised His voice a bit and I walked a little bit further and stopped because it just really didn’t seem possible that He could have that kind of plan for me. Crisis of unbelief. Then he yelled at me. And I heard Him. And I’m starting to believe that He can do what He says He can do and that I am who He says I am. He is asking me to go to a place that I don’t know. I don’t know how to get there. I’ve never heard of it and can’t imagine what it is like there.
Wouldn’t it just be plain stupid to NOT go where God says you should? (this is where you nod your head up and down) Then why? Why do we not believe Him?
“For I know the plans I have for you” –this is the LORD’s declaration–“plans for your welfare, not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.” Jeremiah 29:11
God knew me before there was a me. He has encircled me and placed His hand upon me and His right hand will hold on to me. And yet we still won’t follow that path He’s asking us to walk.
I cry aloud to the LORD;
I plead aloud to the LORD for mercy.
I pour out my complaint before Him;
I reveal my trouble to Him.
Although my spirit is weak within me,
You know my way.
Along this path I travel
they have hidden a trap for me.
Look to the right and see
no one stands up for me;
there is no refuge for me;
no one cares about me.
I cry to You, LORD;
I say, “You are my shelter,
my portion in the land of the living.”
Listen to my cry,
for I am very weak.
Rescue me from those who pursue me,
for they are too strong for me.
Free me from prison
so that I can praise Your name.
The righteous will gather around me
because You deal generously with me.
I pray that God would rescue us from this prison of unbelief. “You are my shelter” Why do I choose to live in prison when God is my shelter?