Sleep deprivation, Psychosis and my dreams. Part Four.

*A note before you read this. After doing an audit of my blog in 2022, I have decided to leave content that speaks to the Christian I was at the time this was written. I no longer identify as Christian (and haven’t for a very long time.) I chose to leave these posts because it is who I was then and it is important to me to be honest and true with every iteration and evolution of self that I experience. I may decide to add comments to the end of posts like this as well

Read Part One Here.

Read Part Two Here.

Read Part Three Here.

The Holy Spirit lives in me, He guides me, comforts me, convicts me, and so much more. Was this pastor friend trying to tell me that the Holy Spirit doesn’t know what’s going on in my head at night? That He was somehow detached from my dreams? That He couldn’t use my dreams to teach me lessons? That He couldn’t use a dream to give me an idea?

That is exactly what this friend was telling me. And not just me. This is what he teaches in church. If God made us in His image, that would include our mind, dreams, and emotions. And I say that if I let Satan get a foot in the door, he has the ability to shut me down, discourage me, and fill me with lies. Which ultimately keeps me from doing God’s will.

Was this Satan trying to discourage me from writing or God teaching me a valuable lesson?

Several times, I was told that the dreams I was having were Satan’s way of trying to deter me from God. I was told that God absolutely does not speak to people in dreams anymore. When I read the Bible, I understand that He may not be using dreams as a way to prophesy but I also understand that God does not change. If He doesn’t change, His character never changes, and His ways never change, why would He just stop using dreams as a way to reach people (like the verse in Job states?) Or as a source of comfort and reassurance as in the New Testament shows in different examples?

I was literally sick about this. I was having dreams. A lot of them. But this mentor of mine, my pastor friend was telling me the dreams were basically satanic. I asked how it is that Christ can live IN me–how I can be “of like mind” with other believers and yet, the dreams originate from Satan? How can Satan be IN me when Christ is IN me?

I understand the argument that Satan can influence my conscience mind, therefore my subconscious mind might recollect that influence in a dream but what about “the Spirit who lives in you is greater than the spirit who lives in the world.” (1 John 4:4 NLT) If I am to take this at face value, then I see that it says that the Holy Spirit is greater than any demonic spirit who tries to influence me. Wouldn’t that indicate that a satanic influence would stand no chance when filtered through the Spirit?

I had a friend tell me that she read parts one, two, and three and didn’t understand. She thought I was “too deep.” I laughed and told her I don’t understand either. I’m trying to work it all out and I had no idea it was going to turn into a series. But I’m not done yet and I’m going to keep going.

Tomorrow I’ll explore how I see God’s hand in all of this. Especially in the conflict.

Leave a Comment